she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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