She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
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we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
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I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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