if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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