True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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