Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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