Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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