i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize