the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
