Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
