broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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