So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
