there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
