brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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