You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
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I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
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Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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