Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Randomize
