Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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