i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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