He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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