It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
