so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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