wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
