I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You pole danced in your parka.
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The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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