Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize