thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
