Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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