Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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