I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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