just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
