I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
im holly from the hills drunk
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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