Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
