I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
