He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
