I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
