do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
