I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
