It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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