my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
