I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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