wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
