Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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