Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
