If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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