He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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