So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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