The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you win again, gameday.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
