HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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