you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
