Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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