Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.