Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
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i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
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Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.