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She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
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