I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
