I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
