I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
