the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He felt like a one man threesome
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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