I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
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I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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