so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
