take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
