Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
