so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
