I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
