Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
