nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
