I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
